Getting personal here. A few years ago, I had a falling out with a sister. The details don’t particularly matter; the fact that we are estranged is relevant.
When I found out what her allegation was against me, I was in shock. Utter disbelief. I cried. I sobbed. I prayed. I knew this not to be true, yet I could do nothing against these words that came at me from all directions.
Knowing that if she had been willing to talk to me, maybe we could have figured out where the breakdown in communication had come from. Instead, my sister chose the nuclear option, demanding that our sisters stop talking to me, that extended family believe her, that our parents cut me off. If anyone spoke to me, she would in turn not speak to them. I feel differently, knowing I can’t put others in that kind of situation where I chose who they can spend time with.
I had no recourse. Clearing my name over something that I didn’t say would certainly indicate guilt, and as I was, and am, innocent in what she claims I said, I refused to go down that road.
For the next few years, the vitriol continued, but only one sided. I stopped sobbing, stopped crying, continued praying.
Every once in a while, she demands an apology. She will send a letter or email, or pass a message through whoever is talking to me.
I see patterns. I have seen her demand the same apology from our parents, with whom she has an on again/ off again relationship. They apologize, all is well for a while, she gets offended again, cuts them off and tells anyone who will listen how horrible they are.
If you want to be in her good graces, this is how it must be.
After many cycles of observing this pattern, I decided I don’t want to be in her good graces; the price is too high.
I see this happening now. A group demands an apology, makes sure everyone knows how horrible someone is for not bending to their will and continues to push and demand. They threaten to cut people off from those that love them, divide loyalties and refuse to see any perspective. This pattern will continue until someone steps back and decides they won’t play the game.
This behavior is just like my sister’s.
This behavior fits the pattern of borderline personality disorder.
Comments
Post a Comment